


Quiet Life

by le_criminel_consultation



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 13:01:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8328919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/le_criminel_consultation/pseuds/le_criminel_consultation
Summary: A young man copes with the suicide of his girlfriend.Written by my fiance | posted with permission





	

**Author's Note:**

> My fiance wrote this today, and I asked him if I could post it. He said go ahead, so here you go. 
> 
> It is about a young man whose girlfriend killed herself.

Life is funny.  The more difficult it gets, the more pointless it seems, but… well, there is always that one moment in life that just seems to make things better, that comes around and make you feel like you could never forget that it is worth living. That one thing, person, or moment that sweeps you away and takes you someplace you never wanna leave; you can’t see the world any different way.  But life is cruel.  It can test your very limits. It likes to push you to the limits; it makes you feel it makes you once again question everything again.  You feel emotions you hoped were gone rising to the surface. Your world comes crashing down.

I snap to attention, shooting up from a cold sweat.  I look around; I look over. I fight back the tears, knowing that you’re gone, and there is nothing I can do. I walk to the corner of the room.  I can see memories playing like a video; I see _you_ , watching you go about your normal routine. 

I shake my head.  “You’ve got to stop this.  She’s _gone_.  There is nothing you can do,” I mutter halfheartedly -  _but that doesn't change the fact_   _I_   _miss_ _you_.I sit on the edge of the bed.  I can’t fight it anymore; the emotions I have been holding back flood forth.  I sob.  The hole I had been trying to get over crumbled and became bigger.  I feel the void that you filled coming back, engulfing me in a darkness I can’t seem to escape.

_whirp-whirp-whirp_

I wake to the sound of my alarm clock.  I look over to turn it off, the red glow flashing 6:45.

“I must have passed out,” I mutter, groggily pushing myself out of bed. “I don’t want to work today.”  Pushing myself to continue with my regular routine, I begrudgingly shower and shave, put on my uniform, and head out the door.

The drive is long, and quiet.  The radio is on, but I can’t stop hearing your voice, talking to me. You used to keep me company while I drove to work.   _You always knew how to make this drive more entertaining._ A horn blares from behind me. The light must have changed.  I shake my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts and continue to work.

The door opens as I head toward it.  A familiar face greets me.

“You know you.  Are.   _Late_!” a nasally  voice rasps at me.

“I’m sorry sir, I got caught in traffic.”

“I don’t care.  Get to work. I don’t have all day to wait on you.” He sneers at me as I walk to my position.  I always hated these jobs -   _I made a promise to you I would never work here, but life got expensive after you left, and I needed to._

The day dragged on.  The longer I work here, the longer the days last. The drive home is always worse than the drive to.  Today is especially difficult; no matter how loud I crank the music, there you were talking to me, telling me how your day was, how annoying people were.  I smile. I loved to see you getting all worked up.

“Stop it, just fucking stop it, I don’t wanna think about it anymore, just shut up, I miss her I do but she’s gone, we can’t get her back.” I scream as I park in an empty parking lot. “There’s nothing we can do, we weren’t able to help her…” 

 _But you promised to always protect her_ a voice shouted in my head _you promised her everything would be ok, all you could ever do was make promises you didn_ ’t _plan on keeping._

“I tried, I didn’t want any of this to happen, I TRIED!” I scream as tears pour down my face. 

 _Y_ _ou didn’t_ _try hard enough._

I feel the last string of my sanity snap.  It had been holding on for so long; it stretches like a rubber band, finally snapping back, the very force hitting me with the same force of the event itself.

A few days later I am finally sitting down with my therapist.  It’s been a week since I started seeing her.  It took months before I could force myself to walk into her office for the first time, but somehow, I’m glad I did.  She has been helping me through this difficult time. 

“Listen - I know you have been having difficulty coping and that is understandable, but you have been very distant with me as to what you experienced that night.” Her voice washed over me warmly calming me 

“I had just gotten home from work when I saw the blood on the wall. I rushed into the front room fearing for the worst, but what I saw I wasn’t prepared for,” My body begins to shake as I remember. “I saw the note in one hand, the gun in the other.”  My voice begins to tremble.

“Listen if this is to difficul-” She begins, but I cut her off

“No. I have to get it out.  I looked at the note.  I was hesitant, I was _scared_ , but I had to know.” My voice cracks as I recite what it said. 

“I’m sorry.  I can’t do this anymore. I will always love you; this isn’t your fault. Don’t give up - move on - you can do so much better without me.  I’m sorry. I try to be strong for you, I really try, but I can't do this anymore. Tell my parents I’m sorry for being the failure of a daughter they always saw me as, and tell your mother that maybe now that I am gone her son will finally be able to get someone they deserve. One last thing I must tell you.  I am doing this because I can’t not because you couldn’t.  I see how hard you push yourself.  Every day I watch as you push yourself to the brink of an emotional cliff and watch as you gritted your teeth at every biting remark everyone gave you. I envy you, you know that?  I wish I was as strong as you.  You never let anyone get to you. I love you and always will.  Goodbye.” 

Tears well in my eyes.  I begin to sob like I did just a few nights before, “I tried, I really tried…I'm sorry i couldn’t protect you, I’m sorry I lied to you I couldn’t even keep that one promise.” My eyes sting with the bitter regret of your demise as tears stream down my cheeks. “Why would I expect you to believe my promises when I couldn’t even keep that one myself.” My voice falls weak. The room is silent; only my sobs can be heard.  Even though she’s watching me sympathetically, I feel so alone again.

 I _f you were stronger you wouldn_ ’t _be alone._

“Shut up!” I scream into the air dispelling the silence

* * *

“It’s been one month since you left me.”  Your tombstone is silent as I speak to it.  “I’ve moved from our apartment and sold all our old stuff.  Every time I saw anything it made me think of you and I need to move on, but I can’t.  I miss you. I can’t do this alone, please forgive me.” My voice lost - almost as if I am gone already. 


End file.
